Hey guys. Yesterday argued and screamed at my eldest sis. Let me give you a brief intro about her. She's 18, work only when she needs the money and feel like it, use the money she earned to go pub with her friends to drink alcohol, never give my mom a single cent. Now she's thinking of changing her phone to an iPhone. I don't have a good impression of her best friend Jeslyn. She drinks, smoke and act all nice to a friend who became rich recently so that she can buy them drinks and pay for cab fee. My family is not exactly rich, yet all my eldest sis is doing is using money for her own pleasure and for wants but not needs. The huge difference between her and me is that I rather save money while she rather spend them all and worry about what to do later. She's unhygienic and lazy while I'm always doing housework with my second big sis(older than me one year). Unhygienic because she's lazy, that's why. She never washes her own clothes yet always change them to go out with her friends. Basically, she's treating our house like a hotel and as if she's rich. Now that you guys know how bad she is, you may wonder how my mom feels about her. She loves her. Bias to her in fact. She doesn't need to do housework as long as she claims she has projects to do(even if she wakes up at 1pm) and if anything happen in the family, she doesn't have to solve it. I do. I'm the youngest and yet my mom expect me to do things eldest ought to do. And if I don't help, mom will insult me like how evil hearted I am and how it's useless for me to study so much. Hello~, my eldest sis has more years of studying than I do, so why not rely on her like it ought to be?!

I'm not all healthy. In fact I'm very weak. I have all sorts of health problems and my bones like to crack whenever they want. Yet I have to study hard if not mom scold me for being stupid and assume I'm being lazy whatever, and do housework twice the amount a normal person has to do. Why? Cuz I'm doing my sis portion. The infuriating thing is I never get into the way of hers, yet she always get into the way of mine. She puts make up and her double eyelid sticker can be found all over my books! I like clean and neat books, not books filled with traces of mascara and fake eyelids! Just yesterday, she bang on my door when I'm using the bathroom, took her toothbrush and spit out her saliva at the tap infront of me. Talk about gross! How can I live with an elder sis so lazy and messy and makes a mess out of the things you put in hardwork to? Like if I arrange a space on sofa to sit, next minute she'll put her bags all her silly stuff on it. There goes my hardwork. Funny thing is my mom doesn't mind! She can get away with all sorts of responbilities, and I have to bear them. Recently our Internet isn't working, guess who ran off caring about herself only? Yes. My eldest sis. Her reason being she can go to school to use Internet there. She didn't give a shit about my second sis who needs to use Internet at home! In the end, my mom forced me to fix the problem and we email the operator. It's fixed now, and guess who returned? It's her again. I thought someone said that she will use the Internet at school so she doesn't and basically has no right to use the Internet at home? Yesterday morning after my second sis and I used the Internet, we asked her to use the Internet if she needs now or we will off. The operator told us not to on off too much a day or it'll spoil again. She was sleeping, so we turned off. Note: we did tell her to use or we will off. In the end she woke up super late as usual and claim to use Internet. Our reaction is no! Then she acted like a spoilt brat and whine to my mom. Of course my mom side her. So in rage, I told my mom if Internet spoil don't say I didn't do a single thing, and the person responsible would be my eldest sis. Now I'm not getting in the way of who want to use Internet and when, cuz when it is spoilt, I don't have to be responsible. I'm really sick and tired of my family. The unfair treatment at home. I'm not the eldest, yet I have to do what an eldest need to do. To show more of my mom unfairness, she doesn't give me pocket money as often, while if my eldest sis needs to go out to have fun, she immediately gives her 10 bucks. At home if I speak about my school life, she doesn't give a shit and treat my words like air, while having a convo with my eldest sis. Now you guys know how I hate my family and they hate me. The situation of my sis, my mom and this house is so bad I cannot even describe it properly.

Yesterday after I bathed, I screamed at her with all the vulgarity spilling out of my mouth and raking up the past of how useless she's been. Both of us cried in anger. Yesterday was the day I stood up for myself. I threw her bag, screamed at her etc. Things only she does to us while we can never do to her(either mom scold, or she scream). I'm in the right, telling sis to not on off Internet so much or it'll spoil. I didn't do anything to her(I did threaten to smash all her cosmetics, cuz till now she still leave all her used double eyelid sticker around, but I didn't.) yet mom tells me to shut up and let my sis do whatever she wants. I hate this house. I thought about staying in hostel. At least I don't have to save electricity, worry about saving money for my mom, do all the chores and fix messes made by my eldest sis.

why can't I have a nicer, responsible and considerate elder sister? I don't like being treated so unfairly. If my mom wants me to clean the house, we should all do it. Not let my big sis sleep till so late! I don't like my big sis because she is not being a big sis to us instead she cause trouble for us to fix. I hate it when my mom expect me to be responsible for anything and everything, while not appreciating my help. Sometimes I thought by staying at hostel, it will show my mom how wrong she is not to appreciate what I done, and realising that big sis does absolutely NOTHING. I hate this family of mine. My big sis and Mom treats me like a villain and went to tell all my relatives about how "bad" I am. Can't wait to grow up work be a successful person, while watching my big sis land bankrupt.

Wish Minghao was here to listen to me );

Just rushed out a game plan for weiqi. Minghao and I volunteered to help in a game booth on 16 dec at boonlay CC. We didn't know planning a game is in the package. Luckily it wasn't much of a trouble despite my tight schedule and uncomfortable tummy D: hopefully our game is approved and we'll stick with easy way out for ourselves.

Missing him as usual lol. Not a lot strangely. Felicia is right about giving myself time to adjust to life without him in case he's gone crazy and we argue again or that he's busy with his stupid fsd. Seriously.

Max and ruby and Angelina ballerina are so cute haha!

Yesterday afternoon took a nap and had a nightmare._. I dreamt of a person becoming a squid and me living in a curse of a horror book with a day repeating itself over and over again. And its the day a giant saw flew down from the sky and chop our school into half. Talk about insanity. Nothing much going on today except a horrible lunch and dinner prepared by my mom. Sigh.

Hey there peeps. Minghao had gone for a cruise to Malaysia and will only be back by Wed. Adeline my girlfriend is busy this week, while Simun and others are either overseas or busy with CCA, so I'll be at home to study for Sec 3 stuff, if I'm ever gonna stop procrastinating. Xinrui, a classmate of mine is putting the pressure on me. He's done all homework and finish revising for sec 3! Since when did he become so hardworking! Being the few top students in my class(skipped 2 eoys now), I am stressed by the fact that I may lose my position in class. No I'm not selfish about my position, I just do not want to lose to any guys(sorry). Revising physics now. I love watching cartoons to relax though. Charlie and lola! Pingu! Haha. Yea I know I'm childish.

Kinda missing Minghao now that he's gone cruise and worse, we cannot text nor whatsapp. Now theres no reason for me to check my phone every morning for a morning text and at night for him to wish me no bad dreams. At least he promised to go out with me after he returned :D
Life's been quiet and I am happy cuz I never argue with him anymore, and yet sad cuz I'm quite lonely. Luckily I have a few books to keep me company. Babymouse! Feel like ice skating and going for a walk near a beach or park for some fresh air. My leg muscles have been cramping.

Now that school's over, I stay up so damn late! 2am sleep gosh. My eyes are sometimes blurry cuz I sleep late but wake up early. My body clock. It rings when it's 10am. Late night shows like current craze over X Factor and a few other shows during weekend nights. I like Cece in X factor. She's pretty, bold and strong against so many critiques of the judges. It's true that she's done we'll gaining top 6 so far. Love her "Edge of Glory" performance. Wish I can sing like them. Carly voice is nice but I don't find a liking towards her. I don't know. Proud? But its true she has an awesome voice. Tate Stevens has a grandfather feel haha. Friendly and nice. It's so romantic of him to dedicate every song to his wife. Emblem 3 vs 5th harmony? I prefer the girls of course, especially their "give your heart a break". Have been singing at home till irritating elder sis of mine told me to shut up. Come on, she's the one always singing at the top of her voice in our bedroom! I'm happy though, cuz once she forgot to lock her drawer I found her tiny secret. She has a boyfriend name jiajun. He wrote a love letter to her. Haha. Talk about love letter, feel like telling Charlie Brown : hey, you're not the only one who never receive any love letters.

Sleepy and weather getting cloudy and heavy now. Talk again soon.

A NEW BEGINNING

Hey Mr or Mrs Whoever Is Visiting My Blog, this new blog that I created is not the first, but it's going to be a new beggining for me because it's been a year since I blogged and I have to blog because I figure it is going to be a way for me to vex my frustrations and emotions. Besides, it's the holidays and my friends are all busy with CCA and trips. I am so bored and lonely at home I decided to blog to pass time instead. This blog is not meant for anyone to read(so I'm not surprised if my chatbox is empty) but for me to spend time and vex out my emotions.

The main reason why I came back to post despite knowing blogging is already not that popular(Twitter-ever heard of? Why do I even ask) is because I'm facing many troubles in life(who doesn't?) and I need some place where I can be truly me and voice out how I feel. My closest friends in my class Minghao and Simun(I know I don't have many, I like to keep it simple) find my temper real hot and it bugged me when they told me to change and "tone down". What do you mean by tone down anyway? Most importantly, I thought they love me for who I am(especially for Minghao. I'll give you a clue-he's a guy, and very close to me. Figure the rest yourself.) To me, the only way for me to "tone down" my temper is by not speaking and not expressing myself at all. I doubt I can act the way I want to with them, so I blog instead.

Minghao is a real friend and maybe perhaps, only PERHAPS a little more than that. His CCA is NCC and he recently has been very busy with FSD(some foot drill performance thing) which only end on March. We quarrelled alot these days because hello-oh, it's the holidays and he has no time for me? He even hid things from me and stood me up when we arranged to go study together. I can feel we will drift apart more, since Mon Tue Wed he has NCC, then Fri Sat he has badminton. He loves to play badminton. Recently he bursted out in rage and scolded me(which hurt me alot, ahem.) We have a dubious relationship- friends or soulmate? No one can be sure. Reason being I do not want to touch that L-word(yes, love) because I'm pretty sure at the end of the day I will be hurt. Initially I thought Minghao is an exception to all guys- sweet to only me, do not flirt and is really sweet(oh, I mentioned that.) He is the one going out with me whenever I feel lonely or mad when my family argued with me(my family hates me). But now, the only person who is so free as to go out walking and giving me some comfort is not free at all to even hold a proper convo on Whatsapp with me.

I am worried, sad and afraid now. I don't know what I can do now that all my friends are so busy, and the only person who can really cheer me up whenever we hang out is hurting me and leaving me alone than ever, is gone. Wrote a poem about how I felt, and am going to post here some day. I wish I have him all to myself, and not to FSD(he promised not to join that thing! They do not even give people a choice in participation!)

That's all folks. Going to have dinner.